Letting Go of Toxicity

July 31, 2019

Hello beautiful people! It’s been a while since I’ve sat down and written anything. If I’m being transparent, inspiration just hasn’t been with me the past month or so. It took me a minute to realize that the inspo was fading because I’d let some toxicity into my life and then proceeded to hold onto it like I’d be lost without it. Well, fortunately for me, I FINALLY reached the point where I decided enough is enough. That I couldn’t carry on in this rut of anxiety, worry and self- depreciation. So I proceeded to take the steps that I’m going to share with you to rid myself of the things in my life that were doing more harm than good.

If you’re reading this, I’m assuming you’re in a similar situation with something or maybe several somethings in your life. And I’m getting teary eyed even just writing this sentence because I know how lonely dealing with this can feel. But, my friend, know that you are NOT alone. I’m in this boat with you along with thousands of other people out there trying to kick their own rut. You can do this! The fact that you’re reading this is already a step in the right direction so lets get to it:

Identify the toxic thing. Ok so maybe this is obvious but, figuring out what it is that causing problems in your life is step one. You may already know what it is and if that’s you, awesome! The way that I figured out what needed to go in my life was to write it down. Sit down with your pen and paper, ask yourself “what’s toxic in my life?” and just start writing down everything that comes to mind (it could be a habit, a person, a job, etc.). Don’t overthink it, just do it! Writing these things down gives you something tangible that you can come back to when you need a quick reminder or need to get back on track. And something about putting pen to paper really solidifies what I write down in my brain…but maybe that’s just me 😊 But whether you feel like you’ve already identified the problem or not, I’d still do this simply because you might be surprised to find that there were some skeletons hiding in your closet.

Kiss the thing goodbye. Once you’ve figured out what’s gotta go, I wish it was as simple as “ok now you just let it go and be on your merry way!”. I saw a YouTuber a while back suggest writing a goodbye letter to whatever it is that needs to go. So I gave it a shot and, let me tell you, it was soooo hard but also incredibly healing. So write a letter to the thing. This can feel kind of silly, especially if its to an inanimate object or reoccurring thought but just trust me on this. And the thing is, no one ever has to see this! It’s for you and your benefit only. In my letters, I start by addressing the thing (duh right? But I think its really important to name what or who you’re saying goodbye to). Then I thank whatever it is for the purpose its had in my life. I write down all of the positive impacts that the thing I’m giving up has had on me. This might sound counter intuitive, but I think parting on a positive note is always healthier than parting on a negative one. Next, I write down why I need to say goodbye (I definitely felt like I was writing down a breakup). Lastly, I wish the thing well and tell it goodbye. You may only need to do this once, but you may need to do it 10 times and that’s ok! Just be raw and be real with yourself and with whatever it is that you need to release. Also… fair warning: this step may be followed by some tears. But that is okay! And that brings me to step 3.

Let yourself be upset. This was insanely hard for me! I have spent so many years pounding my emotions down to nothing that I actually had to verbally tell myself “it’s ok to be upset”. And it is. No one’s s made of stone, so if letting go of something is upsetting to you, be mad, be sad… it’s allowed! Take a nap, talk about it, cry…. It’s ok. For a long time, I’ve been the type of person that would tell myself things like “you are not going to let something so small get to you” or “you’re not going to cry over this”, but I’ve realized that feeling sad, hurt or angry is sometimes apart of the healing process. The important thing with this step is not to get too comfortable. Being upset can easily become toxic itself. I personally, put a timeline on it. I gave myself a weekend to sulk and mope and bitch because yes, it hurt me to let go, but I knew there would be no moving forward until I accepted that feeling.  

Do what makes you happy and move forward. THIS, you guys, is the big kahuna, the final step! This is were you decide you’ve been upset long enough and it’s time to move on. And let’s face it, moving forward can be so damn hard because sometimes, for whatever reason, it can feel good to feel bad. But if you’ve found the strength to make it through the first 3 steps, it’s definitely in you to get through this one. So, pick yourself up and begin focusing on things that genuinely make you happy. Maybe you decide to get out with some friends more often, to hike more, to go to more random coffee shops (these may or may not be my list 😊). But whatever it is that makes your spirit soar, do it! Happiness is such a powerful emotion and it’s the final thing you need to find to let go once and for all.

Things that are bringing negative energy to our lives can affect us not just emotionally, but also physically. They can suck the literal life out of you. It’s crazy how tough it can be to let things go, but if there’s no challenge there’s no change. And letting go of things that no longer serve you will 100% be a positive change in your life. Please don’t feel discouraged if you go through this process and still feel like you haven’t fully released what you need to rid yourself of. Remember that this is not always a quick process, so repeat these steps as many times as you need to. I sincerely hope you find this as helpful as I have. As difficult as this whole process can be, know that what hurts you can also be the driving force to healing you. Love and light to you, my friend!

xoxo

Amber